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June 18, 2013 / ljbradburn-Smith

Bookerview

dad

You are about to read something special – the inner workings of my dad’s mind is something that not enough people get the chance to experience. Brace yourself.

1. If you had to improve one book what would it be and why?
Every Stephen King book as they all start out really well and then sort of fizzle out – more latterly this seems to have happened with that author who’s characters are too like Frances (my Stepmum) for comfort – can’t remember her name (Scarlett Thomas) but first book was brilliant, all the rest I’ve never actually got to the end of as too predictable – although possibly they aren’t as I never got to the end!

2. What’s your favourite novel?
The Magus by John Fowles or anything by Charles Dickens.

3. What’s the quickest you have ever read a book?
90 seconds – Stewie’s Guide to World Domination – On a more real scale, used to attempt to read Going on a Bear Hunt at hyper speed to annoy children expecting a nice long bedtime story.

4. If you wrote a book what would it be about?
People with no true self contemplation of their own miniscule place in the vast universe, and the fact that this appears to be a prerequisite for achieving success on this planet.

5. What is the most unusual place you have ever read a book?
Flying over the top of a full blown typhoon at night in the Indian Ocean in 1990.

6. How many books do you think you own?
On the basis that I owe more than I have, I own nothing.

7. Have you ever borrowed a book and not returned it? Confession time!
Not that I can remember, although Grant periodically claims I still have his Rogers Profanosaurus but he can’t remember properly either so we exist in this perpetual, ignorance based, stand off (I bought it for him anyway) and it just goes to prove that all things are useful in some way, as lack of memory stops the bearing of grudges in old age.

8. Quickfire questions:
– Hardback or paperback?
Paperback

– Funny or quirky?
Always Funny – life is generally not funny enough to keep one amused long term.

– Ebooks or real books?
Aren’t Ebooks real? Have I been imagining them!

– 751 pages or 2500 pages?
Bloody Hell, what sort of books do you read – Telephone directories? Encyclopaedia? Manual as to the working of the female mind? What sort of idle layabout has time to write a book with 2500 pages in it let alone read it! KISS, Ocham’s Razor means anything? Greeks worked it out whenever they were in charge (and by recent performance that must have been a very long time ago) i.e. that if the explanation of anything takes longer than about a thousand words, it’s probably not an explanation but more a description of the fallibility of the writer combined with hubris borne of ignorance and plain stupidity. The only reason one needs books that long is to cater for the really dull who require everything to be interminably repeated before it will sink into their psyche and thenceforth be adopted as the new meaning of life in replacement for the previously used cliché – Mind you, maths was never your strong point was it? Perhaps the decimal point was in the wrong place! (Oi! I will let the maths comment slide, this once, but only because you spent hours tutoring me for my Maths GCSE all those years ago, which must have been difficult as I cried every 5 minutes! ;-))

– Buy or borrow?
“Never a lender or borrower be…” once you’ve read it, a book is the perfect gift. That’s why I always read mine with rubber gloves on.

9. If you had to give up chillies or books which would it be?
Probably chillies as they would probably do the same to me given the chance and there is a pile of books which hold our bed up on one side so it would be uncomfortable.

10. How many books do you think you could lift all in one go?
Given the answer to 8 probably 3 or 4 – If they were normal sized probably 30 or 40.

11. Have you ever done any creative writing?
Yes, but it always ended up bitter. I now keep all the bitterness trapped in a mentally constructed vault inside my head which I reckon is currently allowing roughly 14,145,273 other people to live normal happy lives. I sometimes open the door when I’m alone……

12. Finish the sentence. I enjoy reading because…
It has allowed me to read all my children bedtime stories and I would not earn any money if I could not read.

13. Have you got a question for me?
Have I gone mad yet? – I only ask as apparently I would be the last to know if I had.

Judging from this interview i’m going with….yes, but then all the best people are 😉

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4 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Grace / Jun 19 2013 3:00 pm

    Daddy looks a bit different .. next time i see you you’ll do one with me wont youuuu???

    • ljbradburn / Jun 20 2013 7:57 am

      Yep sure, I will write some questions for you 🙂 x

  2. Grace / Jun 19 2013 3:01 pm

    (he looks different in the photo)

  3. Grace / Jun 19 2013 3:01 pm

    (sort of a bit)

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