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June 6, 2013 / ljbradburn-Smith

Politics of Gentlemen


The other day I was given an insight in to the mind of the desperate man (desperate for a wee that is!). It turns out that despite men seeming baffled about why women go to the toilet together (which is a lot less mysterious than they make out – to chat, share make up and occasionally admire a stranger’s boobs/hair/shoes obviously!) they have some rather strange toilet habits themselves.

Or was I the only one who did not know about the existence of urinal politics? It turns out that I would make a pretty good male, as once the discussion was underway and I was faced with various scenarios, from my boyfriend and male friend, I was able to guess the expected etiquette quite well but there were still some points where my female mind let me down. What baffles me is that these politics exist and are followed  even though men don’t go to the toilet together and presumably don’t talk about it much either. It’s a silent agreement, I wonder if they nod at each other like some secret club – the first rule about urinal politics is that you don’t talk about urinal politics and all that.

This is what I learnt, I felt it is my duty to share for any curious women and confused men.

1. If there are 3 urinals and the one on the far right is occupied you must go to the one on the far left – NOT the middle one as apparently that’s weird and almost like you want to look, which brings me to rule number…

2. Don’t. Ever. Look – look straight ahead/down.

3. If there are 3 urinals and the ones on each end are occupied you don’t (as I suggested) go to the middle – this is cubicle time.

4. If there is a long line of urinals then you need to judge the gap so you go far enough away (apparently you can leave ‘slightly’ less space if  you happen to find a friend in there).

5. I think this should go without saying but DON’T touch the urinal cake.

6. If there is a trough-type urinal you want to be as far way from the plug end as possible, as apparently you don’t want the waste products of others streaming towards you (the only pee that is ok is your own pee).

7. Pee high up on trough/urinal – one word: splashback! And lastly an important word of advice…

…Only go to Download Festival if you have prepared yourself, in advance, to have some pretty close eye contact with other men on the other side of the stall.

So thanks boys (Ben & Pez) for schooling me in the laws of urinal land, who knew – you men are more complicated than you make out 😉



Leave a Comment
  1. artourway / Jun 6 2013 12:07 pm

    Love the photo Lydia ;D

    • ljbradburn / Jun 6 2013 1:24 pm

      Haha, thank you! It was a dare we did for my friend’s hen night and I was looking for a picture and remembered it 😉 x

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