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March 8, 2013 / ljbradburn-Smith

Book Health and Safety Manual

There are some common health and Safety issues to consider when reading. As I have quite a lot of experience in the subject I thought it is only fair to pass on my knowledge…

Common accidents:
– Small chance of paper cuts (the risk can increase depending on how fidgety you are and where you are reading – e.g there is more chance of said paper cuts in a bumpy car or on a rough sea)
– Walking in to lampposts – this is very dangerous and can cause bleeding, bruises and chronic embarrassment.

Book Damage and causes:
– Crinkly pages – this is a common occurrence (for me) that is caused by dropping your book in to the bath. It will NEVER fully recover (Please note if you are a dribbler it is also advisable not to fall asleep face first on your book as dribble is also a known page crinkler)
– Peeling covers – usually caused by incessant need to carry books around with you – in bags, cars, to work or by falling asleep on books (see above for other book damage that can result from this)
– Covers coming off – this is usually caused by lending your book out to several people (me included – sorry).
– Creases – Caused by bending books back on themselves or putting them down face first with the pages open (book abuse)

Short term Health conditions:
– Dead limbs from trying to get in to a comfortable reading position – this can lead to embarrassing bouts of falling over upon getting up (especially if done in a room with 5 or more people in it)
– Temporary loss of hearing – book lovers all over the world will vouch for their sudden deafness upon entering the world of fiction (doesn’t apply as much with non-fiction)
– Numb Bum – pretty self-explanatory (be warned though it can spread)

Long term conditions that can develop over time:
– Neck issues (I actually have to have sports massages. That’s not a joke I swear!)
– hitheaditis – this is where you get hit on the head by someone, with either their hand or an object, for ignoring what they are saying/asking you to do – the more this happens the more you will be prone to headaches and invouluntary flinching.
– bookiness – this is a dangerous feeling (like extreme happiness but only contracted through reading) which can cause problems for others if the reader becomes so addicted to the feeling that they steal money to buy books, stop going to work to read instead and start talking like Shakespeare.
– Book Shaped hands – over time book lovers will notice a slight bend to their fingers as their hands become more claw like. This is manageable but the reader will eventually find that in order to ease the pain they must carry a book around at all times.

You have been warned! Happy Reading!

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2 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Grainne O'Riordan / Mar 9 2013 5:08 pm

    There’s also timeslip syndrome. When you come round and can’t work out where the day has gone.

    • ljbradburn / Mar 11 2013 9:11 am

      haha! How could I forget about that one! Definately deserves to be on the list x

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